Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot

 

 

    He who laughs last thinks slowest

 

 

    If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

 

 

    Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

 

 

    I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
    and give the wrong answers.

 

 

    Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

 

 

    I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
    I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

 

 

    Half of the people in the world are below average.

 

 

    Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

 

 

    I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

 

 

    Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

 

 

    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

 

 

    Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

 

 

    Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 

 

    Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

 

 

    Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.

 

    When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout.

 

 

    On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

 

    Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

 

 

    I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

 

 

    I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

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