SITCOMS

( Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage )
What Yuppies turn into when they have children
and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

 

SQUIRT THE BIRD

To transmit a signal to a satellite.

 

STARTER MARRIAGE

A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids,
no property,
and no regrets.

 

SWIPED OUT

An ATM or credit card than been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

 

TOURISTS

People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.
"We had three serious students in the class;
the rest were just tourists."

 

TREEWARE

Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

 

XEROX SUBSIDY

Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

 

GOING POSTAL

Emphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it.
Makes reference to the unfortunate track record
of postal employees who have snapped
and gone on shooting rampages.

 

ALPHA GEEK

The most knowledgeable,
technically proficient person in an office or work group.

 

CHIPS & SALSA

Chips = hardware,
Salsa = software.
"Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

 

FLIGHT RISK

Used to describe employees who are suspected
of planning to leave a company or department soon.

 

GOOD JOB

A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job.
A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts,
one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

 

UNINSTALLED

Euphemism for being fired.
Heard on the voice-mail af a vice president
at downsizing computer firm:
"You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President.
Please dial our main number
and ask the operator assistance."
* ( Syn: decruitment.)

 

VULCAN NERVE PINCH

The taxing hand position required to reach
all the appropriate keys for certain commands.
For instance,
the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously
pressing the control Key,
the Command Key,
the Return Key,
and the Power On Key.

 

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS

The ubiquitous $ 20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere.
Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal,
"We each owe $ 8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."

 

SALAMON DAY

The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

 

CLM  ( Career Limiting Move )

Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or is whithin earshot is a serious CLM.

 

ADMINISPHERE

The rarefied organisational layers beginning
just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate
or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

 

DILBERTED

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert,
the greek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been Dilberted again.
The old man revised the specs fot the fourth time this week."

 

GENERICA

Features of the American landscape that are exactly
the same no matter where one is,
such as fast food joints,
strip malls,
subdivisions.
Used as in
"We were so lost in generica that we forgot what city we were in."

 

OHNOSECOND

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake.

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BLAMESTORMING

Sitting around in a group,
discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed,
and who was responsible.

 

SEAGULL MANAGER

A manager who files in,
makes a lot of noise,
craps on everything,
and then leaves.

 

STRESS PUPPY

A person who seems to thrive
on being stressed out and whiny.

 

SWIPED OUT

An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

 

ASSMOSIS

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

 

IRRITAINMENT

Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching.
The O.J. trials were a prime example.
Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.

 

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE

The fine art af whacking the heck out
of an electronic device to get it to work again.

 

404

Someone who's clueless.
From the World Wide Web error message "404 - Non Found",
meaning that the requested document could not be located.
"Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."

 

CUBE FARM

An office filled with cubicles.

 

IDEA HAMSTERS

People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

 

MOUSE POTATO

The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

 

PRAIRIE DOGGING

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm,
and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

 

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT

An outside expert brought in to reduce the Employee headcount,
leaving the top brass with clean hands
.